I’ve been reading a lot about generational wealth transfer recently, especially now that I’m in my late 30s. It’s surprising to see some of my friends still relying on their parents to cover their rent, phone bills, or even luxury expenses like trips. They often justify it by saying they can’t afford their lifestyle otherwise, or that it’s cheaper on a family plan.
My situation is quite different. I moved out at 17, worked my way through college, and have only ever received modest birthday cash from my parents. My mom did pay for a week-long holiday once and covered expenses when she visited me in Guatemala with my sister. When I stay with her in Paris, I do expect to be fed and housed rent-free, but that’s only for a couple of weeks a year. My mom, a primary school teacher who also tutors extensively, has been saving diligently for her retirement. She’s always offered to help with expenses like a new laptop or a flight, but I always decline. I just can’t accept money from her knowing how hard she works.
Occasionally, she has lent me money to seize investment opportunities, and I’ve always paid her back with interest—a rate better than her savings account offered. The only time I feel conflicted about accepting her money is knowing it will be heavily taxed by the French government when she passes. I’d rather it be used tax-free now than lose a significant portion to taxes later.
The situation changes if parents are wealthy. It may feel less guilt-inducing since it represents a smaller portion of their net worth. However, receiving money regularly from parents often comes with strings attached, like having to visit more frequently or spend holidays together, which can make you feel like you’re in a dependent role.
Parents aren’t doing their children any favors by funding an unsustainable lifestyle. It prevents them from feeling the drive to earn what they spend, leading to entitlement and laziness. Instead of cash gifts, my grandparents would take the whole family on luxurious holidays, creating lasting memories rather than just an inheritance. They believed in funding education and nothing more, assuming that a good set of skills would suffice.
Personally, I’m against financing unnecessary splurges or receiving monthly funds to support an inflated lifestyle. However, I do see the benefit in accepting financial help that avoids high taxation and contributes to long-term stability, like a down payment on a house or a college fund for my kids. I’d prefer my mom to use up her savings or transfer her estate while she’s alive, with us covering her health expenses in her later years. It’s more meaningful to have those shared memories and stability.
How about you? Are you still depending on the “Bank of Mom and Dad”? Where do you draw the line between being spoiled and being supported?