I’ve been reading a lot lately about budget-friendly dating and discussing finances in a relationship, but I’m still not entirely sure about how to approach it. My boyfriend and I wrapped up our motorcycle trip last month, and since he flew back to Guatemala, we ended our relationship. Now, I’m thinking about dating again. Even though I still miss him and need some time before jumping back into the dating scene, I’m 32 and want to start a family someday. I realize I can’t just date someone for two years without considering if he could be “the one.”
Looking back at my past relationships with a clearer mind, I see that a lot of our arguments stemmed from money issues. I know finances are a common cause of divorces too. People handle money differently; some make a lot more or a lot less than you, and some are heavily in debt. Should you really lay your financial cards on the table right away?
I worry that being upfront about finances might scare off some guys, but at the same time, if they can’t handle my financial goals and situation, should we even start dating? Here’s where I stand: I earn enough to support myself and lead a simple, deliberate life with plenty of free time for travel, meaning I also earn less. I don’t expect the guy to pay for everything, and I’m not moving in with him after just two weeks of dating! Eventually, I’d like to be a stay-at-home mom, as I believe that’s ideal for a family. I want to cook, raise the kids, and manage everything so weekends are quality family time and everyone is well taken care of.
I initially thought about suggesting some budget-friendly date ideas for potential partners, for a couple of reasons. First, a guy who’s cool with a picnic in the park is more likely to be my type. Plus, if we don’t click, I can just pack up my picnic and leave without the awkward moment of hoping he’ll pick up the tab for an expensive dinner.
On the first date, I want to subtly bring up financial topics. It’s common to ask about someone’s living situation to figure out if they own or rent. Knowing their job gives a rough idea of their salary, and a few more questions can reveal how they spend their money. I’m not trying to be nosy, but I prefer financially responsible people. I don’t mind debt or low salaries as long as they’re managing it well. Asking all this early on might not be the norm, but I don’t want to be blinded by other feelings down the road, only to find out my date’s finances are a mess.
What do you think? Is this a bit too much?